But there is no one more coveted by couples than the elusive bi-female! In fact, because of their rarity, bi females are actually called Unicorns. The Unicorn is popular because it seems much safer to invite a single female into your play than a single man. First, single men have the whole "male" reputation to deal with and second, so many do not truly understand their role. So I am here to help you singles be successful.
Over the years I have heard some awful stories from singles trying to play with couples. Just so you don't take it personally, remember singles: not all couples who swing are ready or mature enough for what swinging really means.
Betty shared with me her first time. Fred and Wilma met Betty on line. They chatted a few times, exchanged pictures then planned a place to meet. Being a good single she made it a very public place. (Never, never arrange to meet at their place or yours where there is no escape route, should things get uncomfortable.) Fred and Wilma met Betty at a public bar. They shared a few drinks, did some dancing and spent time together in the social setting.
Betty spent a lot of her attention on Wilma. It's possible to concentrate less on the man's needs at this point, since most men are ready for such an encounter. But Betty needed to be sure Wilma was as ready as Fred. Finding they felt comfortable with each other, the three moved the party to the hotel room that the couple had arranged. Back at the room Betty thought things were going along just fine. Most of the play was "vanilla" -- which is a very good way to explore each other. Soon Fred reached over to kiss Betty's breast and suddenly, Wilma went psycho! She started yelling at Betty, calling her terrible names, and then Wilma demanded that for the rest of the night all the focus was to be on her, not Fred or Betty. WHAT! Betty tried to be a good sport and deal with it, but somehow during play her hand touched Fred's butt and, wow, Wilma hit her! Well, you won't find too many in the swinging community who are willing to do mercy fucks, so Betty left -- with Wilma's screaming in her ears as she walked down the hall.
And even though we tend to thiink of guys as being able to take care of themselves, guys can have bad experiences also. Take Billy Bob. According to Billy Bob, his first experience was a nightmare. He met this couple in a hotel and things were going along just fine. Then Lucy moved her attention to Billy Bob's balls and dick. When Billy Bob looked over towards the husband, Dan seemed to be getting a little upset. Billy Bob closed his eyes to enjoy the sensation of a mouth on his dick and when he opened them a fist was headed in his direction. Holy Shit! So Billy Bob turns aside and hits back. Lucy almost bit his dick off and soon the police were called. So who do you think the police are going to believe? You can be sure Billy Bob is leery of couples.
These are just a couple of examples of what can happen when couples haven't really talked things out or aren't mature enough for swinging. So if you're a couple, try to have some pity on singles and work through your issues before you invite a third person into your relationship. On the other hand, when couples are mature and sure of themselves, some fantastic connections can be made. Here are some of them:
John and Mary met a single guy at a club. At first they were not sure if they would be ok with a single man. Tom turned out to be the perfect gentleman he was trained to be. He made John feel comfortable by acknowledging both parties, not just focusing on Mary. Tom let them decide the direction of the conversation. When they decided to go play they went to the hotel room and Tom let John be his guide on how to please Mary. The evening was fun for Tom and now John and Mary enjoy meeting singles and they're finding that singles can often involve less drama than couples.
In John and Mary's case, Tom knew that by being respectful, patient, honest and fun, he became a "good guy." Once you are recognized as one of the "good" guys, your play time has no bounds. At Rocky Mountain Connections, we offer a 2-hour orientation for single men who want to join our club. We can take 67 men who apply and whittle their number down to 15 or so who'll attend the orientation, which will be narrowed down again until only about 6 will actually join. We do make it hard, but for all of the right reasons. Being single in the lifestyle is not easy and does not guarantee you will get laid. We often say "To get laid, go to a bar, to find a wife go to church." We want singles to understand their role in swinging. So here is the Readers Digest version of that orientation, and you are getting it for free :)
You must be single (to state the obvious)! Many swingers have run into the married people acting single, and that's what makes it so hard on the honest singles. Someone who is willing to lie to couples and lie to their partner, is not going to understand the word "no." This kind of behavior from a single guy suggests that it is OK for other men to share their wives, but he will not share his. No one wants to deal with a potential scandal by getting involved with someone lying about his married life. If you are a married guy, talk to your partner. She may surprise you by being interested in the lifestyle, and she may be excited about the idea of sexual variety.
Swinging is not a sexual free for all. Singles need to seek out couples who are interested in playing with singles. If couples are not, move on. They are not going to make an exception for you. Threesomes provide an excellent experience combining voyeurism and exhibitionism.
Plan to meet a lot of people at a function or on line. Look at profiles, see who shows an interest in singles and contact them. If you are personable, people will be responsive.
Be sure you know what you are getting into. Since we all have different fantasies and play in different ways, know what you are interested in and what they are interested. The answer is not "just sex."
We were at a convention and the music was so loud we could not think or flirt. We went to the bar and started flirting with some singles. We spoke with one gentleman and asked him if he wanted to go to our room and play. He said yes, but he needed to go get his tool box. WOW! I wondered what was up! I was imagining hand-cuffs, whips and things I might not understand. When we asked him about the tool box he said he carried condoms, lube, cock ring, mouth wash and mints. Those were things I fully understood. If we had not had the conversation, we may have ended up with someone who plays way different from the way we do. So ask!
A meeting does not mean anyone is obligated. Even as a single you can say no. I know you are thinking you would never do that, but trust me there will be times when your gut will say "this is not for me." Jeff met a terrific couple online. Their profile was great and they shared some nice pictures. They decided to meet at a local bar. Things seemed good at first. Then the lady got terribly drunk and was sloppy, loud and rude. They still asked him to come to their house to play."I just need some water," she said. His gut said do not do this. He did not listen. When they got to the couple's house she got sick, still wanted sex and it was awful.
Ladies, this can happen to you also. Our friend Sue made arrangements to meet a couple at a local bar. When they met, the couple argued a lot and seemed to dis on each other. Her gut said "Run, run away." She did and as she was leaving she heard them get into a terrible fight. Trust your gut!
You ready for some good news? There is a place for singles in the lifestyle and there is a way to be successful.
- Rule one. Do not change a couples rules! If they have certain rules or play a certain way, play that way. If it something you do not like or are uncomfortable with, do not meet, or if you have met, say goodnight.
- Rule two .. Be patient, Relationships take time to develop. Invest the time and energy into the right couples and the right circumstances. However, do not stalk. If they have given you a no, then it is a no, move on.
- Rule three .. Have a personality. Be fun to be around whether it is socially or sexually. A good sense of humor and the gift to make people comfortable will keep you in the game and on the "A" list. We have a single at our club who is everyone's favorite. He beams when he sees you, shares your conversation and makes you laugh. He is very successful because he is fun even if all he gets to do is dance with you.
- Rule four .. Meet a lot of people. Do not focus in on one couple because they are the hottest, or ignore someone who is not. Find people you have things in common with. The more you can share in conversations, likes and dislikes the more comfortable others will be with you. We had a single at our club years ago who would stand at the bar and meet everyone. "Hi my name is Jim." Everyone knew Jim and so just by shear numbers he became a success.
- Rule five .. DO NOT DRINK TOO MUCH. There is nothing fun or attractive about a drunk. But even if you are not drunk, if you have had too much to drink, you can not perform. You think you can, but you can not. Most ladies do not want to work their asses off to get you hard. Trust me, they will give up. Also if you are ever sent home from a club because you were drunk, the reputation is hard to overcome. One New Years Eve we placed a drunk man on the elevator and handed his clothes to him.
- Finally, be yourself (unless you are a jerk) If you have to be something you are not or pretend to be something other than who you are, people will catch on. You can not put on airs for so long. You are a boy toy. Do not believe that women in the lifestyle are anxiously waiting to have sex with you. They are dedicated to their relationship; you are the toy they can not buy in a store.
Rocky Mountain Connections Social Club does allow singles both male and female. Ladies you are welcome to come to any orientation, men there is a process. Hey I did not say it would be easy, but it can be done. If you live in Colorado and are interested in membership as a single male, go to our web site, to the single male sections and follow the process!
